First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
