its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
