so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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