Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
