he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Of course I have a pirate flag
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
