You really coming over, don't trick.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize