M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
