Fuck appropriateness.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
