At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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