WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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