I want to have your abortion
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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