Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
