First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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