I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
