she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He better not be in your backpack
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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