flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
