I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize