i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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