I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
