I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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