Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize