Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize