Need sex. Gaining weight.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
