Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
