I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
