similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
