I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize