My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
