I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
