remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Send help, water and tortillas.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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