I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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