i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
How external is "for external use only"?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
