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Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm like, not good at living.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
