I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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