Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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