Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
