Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
