Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
