I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We have so much sex to catch up on
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
