We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
