hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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