I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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