We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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