i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize