So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
