Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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