I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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