Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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