i wish semen tasted like chocolate
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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