yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
