The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
