There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
