he was CRYING into my vagina
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
