Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
