It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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