WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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