I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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