I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
