I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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