was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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