The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
