Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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