I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
