Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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