I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
